The Road to self expression

2024

2024 was a year of growth, with the focus on improving my confidence playing openly in front of a crowd at open mic nights in and around the Devon area. In the past I had struggled to make the leap, as music had always felt like a very personal thing, and to be able to share your story and soul on stage through your own songs came with a certain amount of vulnerability and perceived fears.

I had spent many years playing guitar and singing but had always been worried about rejection and the fear that people would judge me in a negative way. This led me to hide my music and continually shy away from trying to progress and share my voice with those willing to listen. However, there was a silver lining to this story, as eventually I took the leap and decided that I needed to face my fears and finally take the leap, as I didn’t want to reach the classic scenario later on in life of “What if I had done things differently?”

I will admit the first time on stage was a mix of dread and fear with a constant voice in my head wondering what others would think. “Would they like it? Would they boo me off stage? Can I even make it through 15 minutes of performing without messing up?” A voice that I had often considered a friend, a protector, was trying to keep me tied into this constant feedback of negativity and fear, which, on reflection, seems scary as it highlights how powerful your repetitive thoughts can be over a long period of time and how they can really define who you are and how you perceive life.

However, a little voice inside continued to tell me that things would get better if I continued to push past the barriers I had set up, as ultimately it was a journey of “me working with me” rather than this idea of “me against me.”. I had to look back at past versions of myself and realise that I need to work with them rather than see them as my opposition. Negative or positive, they are versions of myself that provided valuable sources of learning and life experience, which have ultimately brought me to this point in my life that has created the soul that is present today.

The initial journey wasn’t easy and took time, with the view that a good thing can’t be rushed. This transition happened over a six-month period, with over 1000 hours of guitar and singing, 40+ open mics performed, six months of attending Andy’s Man Club (see the Self-Help Section for more details), and many life-changing/thought-provoking conversations being had along the way.